A year ago today, October 29th, 2016, I was going to Montclair State University for my freshman year of college. I was a molecular biology major who was really into her studies.
I wanted to be a doctor so bad because both my aunts who I grew up living with were nurses and they desperately wanted me to be in the medical profession.
It was the Thursday before Halloween and every Thursday the only parties most of the freshmen knew about was at NJIT fraternities.
All of us would hop on the train and ride it into Newark. It was like a herd of animals walking down to frat row with cops lining the streets, waiting for something to happen.
I thought it would be fun to dress up and go with my friends as a schoolgirl, being that I went to Catholic school most of my life and my friends couldn’t believe that when I would tell them.
So all of us rounded up the group with our cigarettes in hand and start walking to the train station. We smoked a joint or two going to the train station, trying to pregame before getting to the train so they could enjoy the 40-minute ride.
When we all tried to get off it was like a stampede. Everyone was rushing to get to frat row to go to the party of their choice.
When my friend group got to the party, it was packed. It was around 400+ people in this party.
When I saw one of the frat brothers I was friends with, he immediately took me upstairs to do some shots with the rest of the friends of the brothers. By that time, with all of the alcohol and pills and pot in my system it was hard for me to move.
Nevertheless I struggled down the stairs to the party and got in line to get more beer. At that point I was holding onto the wall when someone came behind me and started groping me and rubbing the front of his body on my back.
I tried to stumble away but his grip was too strong as he made his hand down my skirt and started to touch me.
I kept telling him no and to let me find my friends, but he kept pulling me through the house, trying to find a place to fuck me. We ended up outside in a corner where he finally got my panties down in front of everyone.
No one helped. Instead they pulled out their phones and put it on Snapchat.
That was until I saw my friend on the other side of the lawn and called for her. I used all my might to push him off as I walked over to my friend and sat next to her.
The guy followed me and told her that I was a bitchy drunk and walked away. I was sobbing on the way to the train station and called the guy I was seeing at the time and he offered to take care of me.
I got to his dorm and I was just devastated. That really hit me hard after that day. I ended up failing that semester after going to pills and booze to forget.
I’ve been hospitalized twice since then. I am no longer with the guy I was seeing and I lost all my friends from college.
I felt worthless. I still feel worthless. Sometimes I sit at home with my present boyfriend and cry thinking that it was all my fault.
If I just didn’t wear such a slutty costume or if I just didn’t drink too much, but then I realize it wasn’t my fault. If a man was shirtless in front of me or had something sexy on I wouldn’t just go and touch him or grab his junk. That would not be okay.
So then, why is it appropriate if a man did the same to a woman? It baffles me that people make others feel that bad.
I’ve never shared my story to people that didn’t know me at that time, but I think it’s time for people to know. People have to wake up. They need to know how women are being treated. And I am finally ready to tell my story.