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  • I was 4 or 5 — in the infants at primary school. I bought a new book and wanted to read it to my mum. She was busy. My step-grandfather was staying with us. He said I could read to him. He sat me in his lap and I started to read and he put his hand up my nightie and started to touch me. I froze and carried on reading. Then I got uncomfortable and slipped off his lap and went to bed. The next day I followed him around trying to make it better. He apologised and told me it was my fault as I was too passionate. The abuse continued till I was 12.
  • I was abused by another family member when I was 8 till 13 — he used to lock me in the bathroom and make me give him oral sex. He would corner me in the airing cupboard and make me have sex.
  • When I was 14 I went to a festival. I woke up and a man was sat outside my tent – he’d opened the zip and had his hand in my tent, in my sleeping bag and was touching me up. I froze. He left and I went back to sleep. I woke up and he was doing it again, this faceless man. This time I grabbed his wrist and said, “If you want to fucking lose this then keep going.” He went and I moved in to the middle of my friends who were sharing my tent. My friend John was next to the door then and he said he woke up and some man was outside and John asked him to zip up the tent, which he did and then left.
  • In my last year of secondary school a guy in my class would constantly sit next to me and put his hand up my jumper. I would just sit there frozen and never said a word.
  • When I was about 18 I went out with work people and my then boss. I got so hammered and he took me home to his and tried to have sex with me. When I realised what I was doing, I started crying and asking to leave. I couldn’t find my way out of his house and I was begging him to show me and he just laughed at me. I eventually managed to find my way out. I reported it to the company. Nothing happened apart from that we didn’t work the same shifts anymore.
  • One night I fell asleep on my sofa with a male friend — I say asleep — passed out drunk. My boyfriend was asleep in our room. I woke up to find this friend inside me. I quietly rolled off the sofa and crawled away knowing he was watching me but not looking back.
  • When I was 32 and me and my husband split up I was alone in my flat and a male friend rocked up drunk at about midnight. He wouldn’t leave even though I asked him lots of times. He said that my words were saying one thing but my body was saying another. I told him to please just listen to my words as I can’t control what my body does. He just laughed. I ended up giving him a hand job so he’d leave me alone.
  •  I have a this sexually promiscuous being that lurks inside of me who needs attention from men and flirts outrageously and gets me into situations that makes me hate myself. She is not always there and I can’t stand her but she ruins all my relationships. I’ve spent the last 15 years battling her. God damn if I am going to let all those experiences continue to define my internal reference. Sometimes I just wish that I’d won the battle already though – it’s really tiring!
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